Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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