he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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