she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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