Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize