i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My first STD was from a foam party
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
