i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
