i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
false alarm, still single
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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