I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
