He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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