I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
