Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
40s are totally the cure
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
