I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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