There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize