so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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