there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize