I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
