i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
PANTIES FOUND
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