Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
