I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
