sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
