I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
