bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
