u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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