I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
