here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
