Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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