Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
