he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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