I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
