Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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