I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
