he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
