This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
