I can tuck mytits in my pants
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
