I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
