Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
