i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
