Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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