I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize