i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
