trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
