you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
