There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize