so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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