It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
