I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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