How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
