I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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