You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
