I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
