We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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