so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
