apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
