I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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