Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
