Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
