I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
