Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
