doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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