I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
