Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
