It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
