So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
