apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
