Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
