seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
