i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Damn victory sex feels great
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
