My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
