I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
