Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
