I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
