it wasn't lemon gatorade
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
