No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
