So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
