so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
