counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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