i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
