omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
