I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
