Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
