I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Text me some of your sweat
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