so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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