its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
