Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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