I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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