i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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