Sry I called you an 8
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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