You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
