A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
