I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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