Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
