No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
