I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
