If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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