I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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