It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize