I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
