So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
