Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you traded sex for a burrito?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
