he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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