i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
