4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize