Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
