This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
