I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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